I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
