Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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