I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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