it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
