Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
