This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
