I wish I could teleport
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my poor anus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
