My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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