I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
