I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
