dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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