Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
