Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was like eating out sand paper
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
