Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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