accomplished twins. life is a go
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
