Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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