Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
