Me too!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
