I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
