I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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