your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
