What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This baby is an asshole
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
