are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
