i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
