We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
