If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
