you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
