She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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