I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
