U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
