I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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