can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize