She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
