I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
