I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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