i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
