If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
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