The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
