No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
