its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
