Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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