I'm really into asian looking animals
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
