i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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