If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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