My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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