so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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