Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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