R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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