I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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