how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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