Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
