if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
