I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
