Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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