He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
