I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize