I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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