it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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