I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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