We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
BRING THE BAGELS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
