I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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