ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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