Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
