the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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