real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
