very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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