I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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