Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
