so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
