the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
