Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
