my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
