Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
