Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
