i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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