I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
