Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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